Deutsch 101: Grammatik

Dedicated to my linguist friends.

At this point, I am sure that some of you are tired of hearing me complain about how German is a very difficult language for me to learn. I have determined that this is because of a) the grammar/syntax, b) HELLA rules, c) the dreaded "cases," which I guess technically would go under grammar, but I'm hoping you get where I'm going with this. Hopefully, I have devised an activity to help you all better understand what I am talking about, so the next time I make a bit of a Geschrei (there isn't really a good translation for this word, but my favorite professor here uses it all the time. The best I can think of is "balagan" but that is Hebrew. Literally, "a scream," basically it means chaos/ a big deal, etc.) over my next German test.

Here is an excerpt of a journal entry I wrote for my German class. Note: You can google translate, but just wait until you finish the whole post, ok?

Ich wünsche, daß ich Computer verstehen könnte. Ich denke, daß die Technik etwas sehr wichtiges ist, aber mein Gehirn funkionert nicht auf diese Weise. Ich muss meine Wissenschaft oder Ingenieuren Freunden anrufen mir mit meinem Computer Probleme zu helfen....

Here is how that passage would read if I were to translate it word by word with the same punctuation and capitalization (for effect, you know):

I wish, that I Computers understand could. I think, that Technology something very important is, but my brain does not work on this way. I must my Science or Engineering Friends call me with my Computer Problems for to help.

Finally, this is what I would say to you in English:

I wish that I could understand computers. I think that technology is really important, but my brain doesn't work that way. I have to call my sciencist and engineer friends to help me with my computer problems.

What you may have noticed is that all nouns are capitalized in German. You may also have noticed that the infinitve goes at the end of a sentence, except when there is a modal verb involved. What else can we learn from this exercise?

What you may not have noticed, in addition to the different adjective endings and the odd placement of commas, is that there are 5 billion ways to change the article of a noun. First one must determine whether you need a definite or indefinite article. Then, the random purposeful decision of which article to use depends on the case (nominative, accusative, dative, or genative), the gender (feminine, netural, or masculine), the quantity (singular or plural), and possibly possesion (personal pronouns). Once you've gone through the rolodex of the 5 billion (really more like 20) different possible articles and found the right one, German is a piece of cake, as long as you don't care about syntax!

I am trying to memorize the following two tables because I have them glued into every notebook I have here and would be so much more helpful if they were just magically implanted into my brain.

German Definite Articles
	masculine	feminine	neuter	plural
Nominative case	der	die	das	die	the
Accusative case	den	die	das	die	the
Dative case	dem	der	dem	den	to the
Genitive cases	des	der	des	der	of the

German Indefinite Articles
	masculine	feminine	neuter
Nominative case	ein	eine	ein	a, an
Accusative case	einen	eine	ein	a, an
Dative case	einem	einer	einem	to a, to an
Genitive cases	eines	einer	eines	of a, of an

I invite you to teach yourself German so that we can converse auf Deutsch (don't even get me started on prepositions) upon my return to the States. I keeping thinking/praying/wishing that one day I will wake up and simply speak German - don't worry, if that ever happens you'll know, as I will sing it from the rooftops!! Alas...I now solemnly swear to never complain about German again.*

*out loud.