rabbit rabbit (good luck for a new month)

good morning, my dear friends,

i have come up with a term which i am enjoying thinking about at this very moment in time: curated memories. being immersed in the world of sociology, history and memory studies for the past four months, the idea of memory as a construct is not new. in many cases, we remember what we choose to remember in the ways that best suit the narrative that we create for ourselves and each other. i've been thinking about art and performance as a platform for the curated memory: the selection of certain events and stories to be presented in a way that emphasizes different characters and aspects - distorting reality in some ways, and making it more truthful (whatever that means) in others. while i don't mean to correlate this blog to any type of artistic outlet, this blog post aims to highlight the past three weeks in ways that will allow future me (and you should you randomly look at this blog in 10 years) to acknowledge some of the difficulties that have arisen this month -- to think about my time here in a more honest and holistic, rather than idyllic or romanticized fashion. here it goes....

january was a hard month for me. the most difficult in recent memory, actually. with so much anticipation about the future and so much work to be done in the present, i found it difficult to focus. being away from my friends and family felt more acute somehow, once routines began again and we all delved back into work and daily life. i've felt distanced by others and i've simultaneously been pushing away and isolating myself. research has been going well, progress is being made, and yet it still feels fuzzy and abstract. my plans for my life post-france are anything but solidified, and the desires of wanting to control my future are impeding some of my experiences in the present.

i don't know, perhaps you were one of the many people who woke up on january 6th (the first monday of 2014) and were dreading it with all your might. the idea of going back to school or work, dieting, having to "make good" on all of those new year's resolutions you drunkenly scribbled on a cocktail napkin at 11:45pm on dec 31 at the urging of your NYE date whom you wanted to please, was daunting and both under- and over-whelming at the same time. maybe you were the complete opposite and sprung out of bed that monday excited about the potential that this new year contains, ready and thirsty for the next steps. and then, there were people like me - those who found themselves in between mourning a terrific year, meaningful holidays, and wonderful experiences now in the past. and yet, you know, all the while,  that the world will be just as good, if not better in the upcoming months as long as we acknowledge and take ownership of our role in making it great.

i am not one to create new year's resolutions. i am one to plan and work and plan and work and plan and achieve what i set out to achieve. the fact that my future is so unclear is not unusual for someone of my age and place in life; however, it's an uncomfortable and vulnerable place. it's interesting, something that i've noticed as a cultural difference between france and the united states takes place with a primary interaction with someone. in the states, one usually asks within the first two minutes, "so, what do you do?" - here, that's not the case. in conversation with one of my friends here, she reminded me that it's not what you do -- it's how you do it with, with whom, and for what reasons. as much of my identity to this point has been linked to academics and academic success, it's scary to think that my life will turn onto a path with which i am unfamiliar and, very likely, unequipped. i guess that's the point though, right? we become familiar and we adapt.

so, with the first twelfth of 2014 completed, i vow here in front of you all that february will be different and with a renewed spirit of exploration and creativity and with meaningful and pure intentions. the halfway point of my journey here in strasbourg was just recently celebrated and it's exciting to think that, two years ago, i wrote on this very blog that i wanted to come back to france after graduation. although i had envisioned my return and living abroad, the past four months have brought me into a world that i couldn't have imagined and creating the environment to continue to thrive here is on me, and me alone.

in thinking about the narratives that we choose to create and, equally importantly, those which we choose to share and present to each other, i thank you most humbly for holding me accountable. i received a letter the other day from an old friend, and in it she enclosed a picture that i drew for her about eleven years ago. it was the two of us in front of the eiffel tower and the caption said, in my fifth-grade handwriting, "send in 2014 - just in case we get lost." aside from being shocked and moved that she kept it, i couldn't help but smile at the poignancy of this smudged little note. january was a moment of feeling lost in the fog -- some moments of clarity and moments of obstruction -- and it's comforting knowing that there's something or someone(s) to be there once the fog clears.

i will update with adventures in paris and new york later this month. until then, i am sending you all my love,
doria

Strasbourg A-D

Bonjour à tous et bonne année! Happy 2014, I have a feeling it will be a tremendous year for all of us.

A quick update: Today marks the fourth day since Dec 10 that I have been alone in Strasbourg - it's been an amazing month full of lively visitors, lots of laughter and many adventures.

I just said goodbye to the incomparable, Dr. Stone after eight days of wonderful vacation both here and in Germany. 90% of people whom I told about my mother's visit expressed something like, "How wonderful! It's so great to have your mother cook for you again!" To set the record straight, I wish that I could tell you that it was great to experience my mom's cooking; however, let's be real - 'twas I that did all the everything in terms of food. Other than her lack of contributions to the dinner table and her thrice-hourly reminder that I have to get rid of my nose-piercing upon my return to the States, it was incredible to have my mother come and visit and understand my life here in France. The only downside: she reminded me of all that I miss back in California...

To start off this year, I've decided to introduce you all, bit by bit, to my home here in Strasbourg. This alphabetic method may seem elementary, and I hope it doesn't bore you; however, I think it'll be an interesting challenge to identify aspects of my life about which I want you to know and share them with you in this way. Enjoy!

A: Café Atlantico

On any given weekday from 4:30pm-7pm (Strasbourg time), you can likely find me here at Atlantico reading, working on emails, generally procrastinating, or actually attempting to write something. If the picture is unclear, the café is a boat that sits on the river Ill, which I love, except when the bateaux-mouches go past and I get a little seasick from the rocking. They make an awesome café crème, the most incredible cookies in the world, and have introduced me to my new favorite beer (Doigt de Dieu, from Brasserie Uberach, in case anyone was wondering). 

B: Bibliothèque Nationale et Universitaire (BNU)

If I'm having a good morning, it means that I've gotten myself to the BNU to do some reading before lunchtime. Yeah, this palatial building is my library. Pretty awesome, right? Well, ok, actually this location is currently under construction, so I haven't been in for a while (don't worry! I read at the other locations). The BNU is located at the Place de la République, which is a beautiful roundabout near my house that also is the home to the national theater, the prefecture, and a park famous for its tulips in the springtime. 

C: Choucroute

Often called the official dish of Strasbourg, choucroute garnie can be found in every Alsatian restaurant in this town. This photo, taken by my girl, Nora, is indicative of the choucroute traditionelle -- five types of meat of unknown provenance, a boiled potato and a veritable pile of sauerkraut, which is not called sauerkraut here because -- gasp! something German! I personally have never eaten choucroute; however, I have been assured that it is actually quite good and extremely hearty and comforting. 

D: Dieudonné

Dieudonné does not particularly have to do with Strasbourg; however, I thought it would be more interesting for me to tell you about this current issue facing the community I am studying. I do not have a photo of Dieudonné, you can look him up - he is a comedian and quasi-political figure in France who invented/brought to light/made famous the "quenelle," a hand-gesture that he claims is anti-système. For French Jews, however, this has raised new fears of antisemitism in French society because of its resemblance to an inverted Nazi salute. Dieudonné is now in the middle of a heated debate about freedom of speech and censorship, as his French tour has been cancelled by the mayors of many towns, citing hate speech and mockery of the Holocaust. While I am, admittedly, on the outskirts of the Jewish community here in France, many organizations including the UEJF (Union des Etudiants Juifs de France), the CIBR (Consistoire Israelite de Bas-Rhin),  and the UJLS (Union Juive Liberale de Strasbourg) and many of my friends here have sent me petitions to sign, emails to send on, and other forms of protest against the inflammatory language of Dieudonné. I think this controversy brings to light many themes that I'm working through and those which I studied at Stanford -- how does the memory of the past influence the present, and at what cost? At what point should or do Jews have to relinquish the status of "victim"? Should they ever? What are the political and historical implications we can derive from both sides of this argument? I encourage you all to read more about the current situation about Dieudonné, the quenelle and the valid responses of both sides. I would be more than happy to speak with you about my opinion as well, all you have to do is ask. 

Happy Thursday, my loves!

xoxo, d